The First Phase (1-7 years)

A child’s nature in his first seven years is innocent and sweet and his mental level especially in the first three years is very limited. From here, versions guided us to many points we must watch carefully at this age and at this first phase:

1- The Emotional Nutrition

What’s meant by that is showing love to the child as it’s the first spiritual nutrition for his personality and giving affection to him through:

A- Verbal Expression

Versions have noticed this style of expression and also The Most Honorable Messenger and His Household (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Them) expressed themselves that way. Here is The Messenger saying about Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (p.b.u.h): “O, Allah! I love them, so love them and love who loves them.”

Also, The Prince of Believers (p.b.u.h) used to talk to his son Al-Hassan with eloquent expressions flooded with honesty and scented with strong fatherhood tenderness:

“I’ve found you (to be) part of me! No, I’ve found you (to be) all of me; if something happens to you it happens to me; even if death comes to you, it comes to me.”

The dear father and mother must understand that loving a child is not only a human instinct that Allah created in Man, but it’s also one of the things that Allah (all praised) loves about his slaves. Moreover, He (all praised) made it one of the deeds with a great grace. Imam Al-Sadek (p.b.u.h) said: “Moses said: ‘O, Allah! What is the best deed for you? Allah (all praised) said: “Loving children, as I created them on my unification. So if I make them die, I send them to heaven with my mercy.”

In another version, Allah (all praised) has pity over the one who loves his child, so He sends mercy over him for loving his child. Imam Al-Sadek (p.b.u.h) said: “Allah (all praised) has mercy over the slave for loving his child so much.”

B- Kissing the Child

One of the matters that fills a child with affection is kissing him, for The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) used to kiss Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (p.b.u.t) so Al-Akraa son of Habes said: “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them”, so The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said: “He who doesn’t show mercy will not have mercy upon him.”

Allah (all praised) prepared a great reward for kissing a child, as Imam Ali (p.b.u.h) says: “Kiss your children frequently, as you have for every kiss a degree in heaven (that is rewarded) for the walk of .five hundreds years.”

In another version for Abu Abdullah (p.b.u.h): “The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household): “He who kisses his child, Allah (all praised) writes for him a good deed; He who makes his child happy, Allah makes him happy on doomsday…”

C- Acting like a Child for Them

The Most Honorable Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said: “He who has a boy should act like him.”

What the Prophet means here is that a father shouldn’t expect from his son to behave like grownups; on the contrary, a father must connect with his son according to the latter’s style and age. It was mentioned that The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) used to play with Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (p.b.u.t) and act like them (as a child), as the version of Jaber says: “I visited The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) when Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (p.b.u.t) where on his back and he was crouching down for them saying:
“The best camel is your camel and the best riders are you.”

2- Avoiding Beating

A small child doesn’t have any way of expressing his feelings other than crying and people shouldn’t be annoyed with their child for crying, but they must look for the reason behind that.

The parents’ job in this case is to be patient and they shouldn’t beat their children for crying. The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said: “Don’t beat your children for crying: crying for four months means the testimony of ‘There is no Allah but Allah’; crying for another four months is the prayer upon The Prophet and His Household; and four months is praying for his parents.”

A child might also cry for being sick. In this case, parents must be patient over their child’s crying and sickness and they must remember this Hadith for The Prince of Believers (p.b.u.h) about the sickness of a child: “It’s expiation for his parents’ (sins).”

3- Not Having the Special Relationship In Front of Him

One of the dangerous and unsafe actions for a child is having the special relationship between a man and a woman in front of a little child. Many versions forbade this kind of behaviors as Imam Al-Sadek (p.b.u.h) said:

“The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said: ‘I swear by The One Who Owns my soul, that if a man copulates with his woman and there is an awaked boy who sees them and hears their talking and breath, he will never succeed: if he was a boy, he will be an adultery; if she was a girl, she will be an adulteress.”

4- Treating Children as Equals

Distinguishing among children is a fertile foundation for many psychological problems that will damage the child’s soul and grow with him to turn into threats that might lead to death.

Distinguishing might cause jealousy, envy and animosity among brothers. Therefore, The Prophet’s Household (p.b.u.h) used to be equal to all children despite the real distinction in some of them. Imam Al-Baker (p.b.u.h) said:
“I swear that I compliment some of my children and I sit them on my lap and show them too much love and appreciation, even if the right of (leadership: being an Imam) is for another child, but I must protect him from his brothers so that he doesn’t end up like (Prophet) Joseph’s and His brothers.”

In the best cases, it causes the feeling of injustice and inequality. This distinction might be shown through other features like pocket money, clothes, love and affection…

How to Be Equal to All Children?

Many Hadithes cited from The Most Honorable Messenger and His Household (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Them) talked about being just with all children, as The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household):
“Fear Allah and be just to your children.”

In another version for Him (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household):
“They have the right over you to be just to them, as you have the right over them to revere you.”

However, how can we be just to our children?

Versions referred to many ways, such as:

A- Giving Gifts:

The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said: “Be just to your children with presents.”
Presents are gifts and donations, so it’s inappropriate to give a child a present without offering one to the other child who will feel inferior or an unloved and that his brother is better than him, in addition to other feelings of jealousy, envy or injustice.

B- Kissing Them:

The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said:
“Allah (all praised) likes you to be just to all your children even in kissing.” A kiss, as a small gesture as it can be, carries within it many important emotional signals. From here, we mention the Hadith: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) looked at a man with two children and he kissed one of them, so The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) told him: “Won’t you be just to both of them?” This shows how deep The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) was attentive to children’s feelings.

C- Never Distinguishing Between Both Sexes:

Some societies prefer males over females, give them privileges and deprive the female. Islam fought this kind of education and ordered to take care of girls, as The Most Honorable Messenger (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) said:
“He who has a girl and he preserves her, doesn’t insult her and prefer his son over her, he will enter the Paradise of Allah.”

In another Hadith for Him (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household):
“The best child is the veiled girls. He who has one of them, Allah makes her a cover for him from hell.”

5- Never Breaking a Promise for Them

Keeping a promise is something that the holy legislation insisted on at any circumstance. In the case of a child, Islam is keen to keep the promises given to him, for a child’s spirit at the beginning of his life is very sensitive. Versions assured on never breaking a promise made for children, as The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and His Household) says: “…have mercy on them and if you promise them something keep that promise, as they don’t understand (the excuses) and (all what) they want is what you promised them.”