How to be just with your children

How to be just with your children?

Many hadiths narrated by the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his family have emphasized justice among children, where he (pbuh) says: “Fear Allah and be just with your children.”

In another hadith, he (pbuh) says: “Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you.”

But how is justice achieved among children?

Hadiths have mentioned lots of means, some are:
a. Gift-giving:
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) says: "Be equitable among your children in gifts." The term "gifts" refers to donations and endowments. It is not appropriate for a person to give a gift to one child without also gifting the other, as this can make the other child feel neglected, unappreciated in the family, and that their sibling is favored over them. Such situations can lead to feelings of envy, resentment, or a sense of injustice.

b. Kissing:
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "Indeed, Allah loves for you to be equitable among your children, even in kisses." Although a kiss may seem like a small gesture, it carries significant emotional implications. In this context, it is reported that the Prophet (pbuh) saw a man with two sons, one of whom he kissed while leaving the other. The Prophet said to him: "Why didn’t you treat them both equally?" This illustrates the Prophet's keen attention to the feelings of children.

c. Not discriminating between genders:
Some societies differentiate between males and females, granting privileges to boys while depriving girls. Islam has fought against this form of upbringing and has mandated attention to females. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) says: "Whoever has a daughter and does not mistreat her, nor show favoritism to his son over her, will enter Paradise." Additionally, it is reported that the Prophet (pbuh) says: "The best of children are the sheltered daughters; whoever has one, Allah will make her a shield for him from the Fire."

d. Not breaking promises:
Fulfilling promises is one of the matters strongly emphasized in sacred law in all cases. There is special emphasis on not breaking promises given to a child, as a child’s spirit is extremely sensitive at a young age. Narrations have stressed avoiding breaking promises made by parents to their children. In a hadith from the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) he says: “…and be merciful to them. When you promise them something, fulfill it, for they know nothing but that you are their providers.”

* A Righteous Child, Al Maaref Islamic and Cultural Institution