The Couple's Manners

Imam Zein Al-Abidin (p.b.u.h):
“Allah is most consent of the most generous to his children.”

Imam Al-Kazem (p.b.u.h):
“The woman’s Jihad is obeying her husband.”

The manners between couples:

Fulfilling the marital right alone is never enough to reach the most supreme levels of the close relationship between both parties, as long as each one interprets the Islamic home manners. The reason behind this is that following the manners involves an important role in developing the factors of love and perpetuity, and it fructifies in all the fields of married life to draw the most beautiful picture ever seen. Moreover, Allah (all praised) had set for these manners a great reward and encouraged us to commit to them.

Let’s find out first the wife’s manners towards her husband.

The wife’s manners towards her husband

It’s nice for the wife to perform the following jobs:

First: Serving her husband

The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) said:
“Any woman who moves a thing in her husband’s house from a place to another for improvement, Allah looks at her and who Allah looks at him is never tortured.”

Imam Al-Baker (p.b.u.h):
“Any woman who serves her husband for seven days, Allah closes for her seven doors in hell and opens eight doors of heaven, and she could enter through the one she chooses.”

Imam Al-Kazem (p.b.u.h) said:
“The woman’s Jihad is obeying her husband.”

In a Hadith: “Any woman who gives her husband a sip of water is better rewarded than a year of worship: Fasting during the day and praying all night long.”

Two: Being patient with his harm

The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) said: “A woman who is patient with her husband’s bad ethics, Allah gives her the same reward of Asia Bint (daughter) of Mazahem.”

Imam Al-Baker (p.b.u.h) said: “Allah (all praised) ordered men to Jihad and women to Jihad. The Jihad of a man is to sacrifice his money and blood until he is killed for the sake of Allah, and a woman’s Jihad is to be patient with her husband’s harm and jealousy.”

Third: Showing love for him in words and actions

This move leaves great impact in the permanence of happiness and comfort in her marital house, as it’s reflected positively on the husband’s live starting at home and reaching his work place where he executes his job with a psychological relief and an atmosphere of tranquility and peace. Allah (all praised) promised the good wife who treats her husband well and provide the conditions that comfort him and eases his mind, something that exceeds all expectations: Heaven.”

In a Hadith for Imam Al-Sadek (p.b.u.h): “A man came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) and told him: ‘ I have a wife who receives me when I come home, accompanies and prays for me when I am leaving and if she sees me sad she tells me: What’s making you sad? If you’re anxious about your livelihood, somebody else is in charge of it, and if you’re anxious about your hereafter (destiny) may Allah make you more anxious.’ So the Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household): ‘Promise her Heaven and tell her that she is one of Allah’s workers and you have the reward of seventy martyrs everyday.”

Fourth: Helping him in worshiping Allah and drawing near Him

In a Hadith for the most Preferable Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household):
“Any woman who helps her husband in Hajj (Pilgrimage), Jihad or education, Allah gives her the same reward of the wife of Jacob (p.b.u.h)”


Five: Adorning herself for him, showing the good appearance and staying away from what alienates him, when she knows his likes and dislikes.

The following Hadith says:
“Three habits are indispensable for a woman with her husband: preserving herself from any impurity to gain her husband’s trust in fighting or reconciliation, preserving him as a mediator for every slip she makes and showing him love in words and through beautifying for him.”


The husband’s manners towards his wife

First: Feeding her with his hand.

The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household): “A man is rewarded when lifting a bite to his wife’s mouth.”

Second: Sitting with her

The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace be upon Him and his Household): “A man who sits with his family is more cherished to Allah (all praised) than retreating to this mosque of mine.”

Third: Helping her in housework

It’s a fair example to mention what happened in the house of Imam Ali and Fatima (p.b.u.t), as he speaks:

“The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) entered to our house and found Fatima (p.b.u.h) sitting near the potful while I was purifying the lentils.
He said: “Abou Al-Hassan (Father of Hassan)”
I answered: Here I am, O Messenger of Allah!

- Listen to me and what I say is an order from my God:
Any man who helps his wife in housework, Allah gives him with every hair on his body the reward of a year of worship: fasting in day and praying at night. Allah gives him the reward he gave to the patient ones, to David, Jacob and Issa (p.b.u.t) the prophets.

O! Ali! Anyone who is at the service of his family and never despises it, Allah writes down his name in the register of martyrs; He (all praised) also gives him in every day and night the reward of a thousand martyrs; He (all praised) gives him with a every step with reward of a Hajj and Omra (a visit to Kaaba out the time of Hajj),He (all praised) gives him for every vein a city in heaven.

O! Ali! Servicing one hour at home is better than worshiping for a thousand years than a thousand Hajj, a thousand Omra, setting a thousand prisoners free, a thousand invasions, visiting a thousand patients, praying a thousand Fridays, a thousand funerals, feeding a thousand hungry persons, giving clothes to a thousand naked persons, riding a thousand horses in the path of Allah, giving a fortune to the poor, reading the Torah, the Bible and the Zabour (psalms); buying a thousand prisoners and setting them free, giving a fortune to the poor; and he does not leave this world until he sees his place in heaven.

O! Ali! He who does not despise servicing his family goes straight to heaven without accounting!

O! Ali! Servicing the family is expiation for great sins, extinguishes Allah’s anger, is the dowries of Houris (Hoor Al-Ayn) and increases the good deeds and the degrees!

O! Ali! The one who serves his family is a friend, a martyr or a man Allah wants his for a good purpose in this world and the hereafter!”

Fourth: Being patient with her bad ethics.

In a Hadith:
“He who is patient with his woman’s bad ethics to draw near to Allah, Allah (all praised) gives him for every day and night he is patient with her, the same reward he gave Prophet Jacob (p.b.u.h) for his misfortunes, and she carries the burden (of her mistakes) for every day and night like the sand of the shore.”

Fifth: To increase her expenditure, as long as he can afford it but he shouldn’t reach the point of extravagance.

Imam Zein Al-Abidin (p.b.u.h) said: “Allah is most consent of the most generous to his children.”

Sixth: Forgiving her slips

A woman can make mistakes just as a man does and this shouldn’t be a reason for getting violent with her and harming her. On the contrary, the man must be pious, forgive her and have mercy on her. As the Imam (p.b.u.h) says:

“If she ignores forgive her.”

Otherwise, standing on every detail can make married life harder, especially with what the Messenger of Allah (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) recommended for the woman:

“Angel Gabriel (p.b.u.h) recommended me the woman (to take care of her) to a point where I thought I shouldn’t divorce unless for an obvious obscene.”

Seven: Winning her heart

This is done through:

First: Adorning himself for her and showing the good appearance because Islam incites the husband to stay clean and beautify for his wife like she wants, and she should do the same.

Al-Hassan son of Jaham said:

I saw Aba Al-Hassan (Father of Al-Hassan: Imam Ali) (p.b.u.h) as he dyed his hair and beard, so I asked: My lord! I see that you have dyed your hair?”
He answered:
“Yes! The good appearance increases the women’s chastity, and women leave chastity when their husband leave the good appearance.” He added: “Do you like to see her the way she sees you if you’re not in shape?”
I said: no
He replied: That’s the point.”

Second: Increasing her expenditure

Third: Good treatment

Imam Al-Sadek (p.b.u.h) said: “A man must apply three things with his wife: her acceptance, her will and her desire to sleep with her, his good ethics with her, winning her heart with good figure and spending money on her.”
The Hadith joins the three points.

Fourth: The speech of love

The Prophet (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) says: “When a man says ‘I love you’ to his wife, it’s forever in her heart.”

At the end, we can set a balance to measure the religious personality through the way it fulfills the rights especially with what the Messenger of (Allah’s prayers and peace upon Him and his Household) said:
“The best of you is the one who treats his woman best, and I am the best of you for my women.”

In another Hadith:

“The best of you is the one who treats his family best, and I am the best of you for my family.”