Don't Look at Anyone Other Than Your Husband

Dear lady! before your marriage you may have had other offers of matrimony. These offers may be from rich, educated, handsome men, etc whom you may have wished to marry. Such expectations were natural before your marriage. But now that you have chosen your partner and signed a sacred covenant with him to be together for the rest of your life, then forget the past altogether. You must put aside your past wishes and forget those past offers. Do not think of any men except your husband and find peace with him. If you do otherwise you will place yourself in a strained condition.

Now that you have agreed to live with your husband, why should you be constantly noticing other man? Why should you compare him with others? What do you achieve by looking at other men except putting yourself in a permanently miserable state and cause mental anguish for yourself?

"Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'Whoever leaves his eyes at liberty, will always suffer through his nerves, and will be trapped in a permanent state of envy'."¹

By looking at other men and comparing your husband with them, you will find a man who does not have your husband's faults. You might then think that man is perfect, because you are not aware of the deficiencies of such a man. You regard your marriage as a failure and this thought might lead to disastrous ends.

"Mrs..., an 18-year old woman who had run away from home was arrested by the police last night. In the police station the woman said that, after three years of marriage, she gradually felt that she did not love her husband. She said: 'I m used to compare my husband's face with other men and I regretted my marriage with him'."²

Dear madam! if you are interested in an everlasting marriage; if you do not want mental distress; and if you want to conduct a normal life, then stop being selfish and forget your vain hopes. Do not make compliments for other men. Do not think of any man other than your husband. Do not think to yourself:

"I wish I had married so and so;"
"I wish my husband looked like...;"
"I wish my husband's job was...;"
"I wish...," "I wish..." "I wish..."

Why should you imprison yourself with these thoughts? Why should you upset the foundations of your marriage? If any of those wishes had come true, how would you know that you would have been more satisfied? Are you sure that the wives of those so-called "faultless" men are satisfied with them?

Dear madam! if your husband suspects that you show interest in other men, he would be disheartened and would lose interest in you. You must not cut jokes with other men or keep company with them. Men are so sensitive that they cannot even tolerate their wives to show an interest in a picture of another man.

"The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his household) stated: 'Any married woman who looks at other men, would be subject to the vehement wrath of Allah'."³

^{1- Bihar al-Anwar, vol 104, p 38.
2- Ittela'at, 3rd Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
3- Bihar al-Anwar, vol 104, p 39.}